Twice the Luck

I know you aren’t here for me – you’re here for the twins but first, a little background – I’m Abby, I live in Vermont with my husband and our dog, and really, the most notable thing about me is the twins. 

I am a very active person.  I spend a lot of time walking outside for my job but mainly I’m a runner.  Pre-pregnancy, I ran on average 60 miles a week.  Typically, I split mileage between a morning run with our very active dog and then an afternoon run several times a week.  As someone who has always been active, one of my big concerns going into pregnancy was how I would handle the inevitable changes in my body’s capabilities.

This is my first pregnancy and going from zero to twins completely rocked my world.  Throughout all of the ups and downs, despite having friends with kids of their own, there was no road map for navigating a twin pregnancy.  I have been fortunate to have wonderful doctors who were very informed and supportive and encouraged me to let my body be my guide but I really didn’t know what that looked like.  

Like anyone of my age with a question, I took it to the internet and found very little guidance overall.  People don’t seem to be talking about their twin pregnancy and especially not about the pitfalls and trying to stay active over the course of pregnancy.  The further I got into pregnancy and then into the Herculean labor of raising twins, the more pronounced the gap in knowledge and conversation.

It’s been gnawing at me, all the things we don’t talk about.  I know why we don’t talk about them – it’s the same reason we didn’t announce our pregnancy until I was past twelve weeks and it’s the same reason I didn’t start writing this until I was almost four months postpartum.  There’s safety there, in staying quiet, keeping things to ourselves but there’s loneliness also.  And loneliness is dangerous.  

For many of us, pregnancy is already a lonely time.  Even with a partner to go through it with you, growing a new life is something you have to do yourself, it’s you and your body and eventually your body, the thing that has come with you throughout your life, also becomes a stranger to you.  The loneliness continued into postpartum. I felt guilty – I had gotten incredibly lucky – twice – and delivered two healthy babies. I was grateful and in love but I still floundered. I know I’m not the first mother to feel that way and I won’t be the last.

So I decided to write this, so maybe one of you can read about some piece of my twin roller coaster and not feel quite so alone on your own journey.

I just want to say that every pregnancy is different so there are some experiences that I’ve had that you might not.  Also, this blog is no substitute for medical advice.  When in doubt, ask your doctor and please make sure you have a doctor who you are comfortable asking anything – you will be seeing a lot of doctors during your twin pregnancy so make sure you are with someone you can trust.  I hope you will use what I have written here as just more information to take on board because throughout this process, we can’t have too much.